L I C K E R

Hey guys! So, yes, I know this movie's been out for a while now, but I finally got around to seeing it and wanted to give a few cents on the topic. I'll start by pointing out that I previously hadn't heard a single review that had anything nice to say about this film. Mostly the typical "don't remake a classic" and "they use CG instead of real FX" arguments. In my head, these are pretty standard complaints with pretty much every modern horror film, and are grounds to dislike a movie without ever actually seeing it. As far has horror movies go, most of you know I have a pretty open mind about these things, and went into this film without any real expectations or preconceived hate for it.

Well, it didn't take very long before I started to notice some pretty glaring problems with this film. The first problem is the dialogue. It's been a while since I've seen a horror film with such a bland array of characters. None of them can muster enough character development to make you like, hate, or give a damn about. I quickly began to not remember or recognize who was left alive, and for a franchise so geared around trust and survival, this is a big problem. On top of this, character's plot threads are lazily set up and quickly abandoned. There is virtually no dialogue in the second half of the film. And our female protagonist seems to be the only person with any kind of motivation or idea of what's going on or what to do about it, while the rest of the mostly male cast always retorts, "Well, I don't know about that..."

Let's talk about the CG. When I first saw it, I couldn't believe that films could still get away with making CG effects that looked this poor. I mean, it's really really bad. It's quality is comparable to something that came out in the way early 2000s, and for a film that was released over ten years later, this is simply inexcusable. I will say though, that I was pleasantly surprised by how much astounding handmade effects made it in, and the people that contributed to these should be applauded. But after a few more CG scenes, I start to get the feeling that this picture got rushed way too fast through post-production. That's the only possible excuse they could have for making it look like that, right? Come to think of it, the whole movie doesn't look that great. It's way too crisp, and there's no trace of any atmospheric color palate. This is another problem that could have easily been solved if the studio had just given them a little more time. I can accept a bad movie, but this is just a bad product, and Universal should be ashamed of themselves for putting out an unfinished movie.

All in all, the Carpenter version of "The Thing" works so well because it takes the whodunit formula and expands upon it. Not only is the cast trapped in a remote location with a killer, but even after you think you've found the culprit, the person next to you turns around and bites your arms off. In this film, over half the cast is killed in a single scene, quickly diminishing any sense of paranoia or suspense that this film could have had. Their untrust in each other seems forced, and is hardly brushed upon. It's a real shame too, because this is the only element the filmmakers needed to get right to make this film work. Even so, the most perplexing part of this film is after the ending credits begin to roll, and intersperse themselves with clips that set up the beginning of the Carpenter film. What's so strange is that the editing changes, the music changes, and the overall tone comes together to make you feel something that the rest of the film forgot to: dread. There were no tricks to this either, no gory money shots, and hardly even any dialogue. It took them the whole movie to figure out how to express any real tension, and they did it by finally directly mimicking Carpenter's special sauce. So why wasn't the rest of the movie like this?

This is hopefully the first of many vlogs I'll be doing. I hope you all enjoy, and don't forget to give it a thumbs up!

-Gordon Vanguard

Welcome to the third and final part in my series about some awesome EPs you may not have known about. I'm so excited I can feel my balls dropping even as I type! I'd like to take a moment to apologize for my EP descriptions in the last part. My descriptions were so vague and non-coherent, I could only have been writing it on crack. From now on, its good old fashioned pcp for me. "PCP FOR ME." That's my new t-shirt.

The Dismemberment Plan/Juno Split EP

Holy shit, now we're getting down and dirty! Anyone who knows the D-Plan undoubtably knows how awesome they are. If you don't, do your soul and ears a favor and go buy their album, "Emergency and I," NOW. If you do know them, but haven't heard this gem, you're in for a real surprise. Not only does it contain Dismemberment Plan's wildest song ever written, it also contains a surprisingly downbeat cover of "Crush" by Jennifer Paige. What could make that better? How about a sweet original track from the thoughtful emo-rock band Juno, and their rock cover of DJ Shadow's "High Noon." Joy!

Imbroco - Are you My Lionkiller?

A short-lived band that spawned from the ashes of The Impossibles (Rory) and emo pioneers, Mineral, this is one incredible piece of work, and possibly the best thing to ever come out of 90s emo. It's beautiful, it's powerful, and it just plain rocks! Coming out to a total of six songs (this was the only release ever published by the band), from such an amazing band with an equally amazing track record, one can only wonder what could have been, or maybe also, what could have been tainted by anything else. Check it out.

Hey Mercedes - Self Titled EP

Anyone who feared what the "follow-up band to Braid" 's music would sound like, were quickly calmed (well, mostly everybody) by this release from Bob Nanna's new band, Hey Mercedes. It was everything that was awesome about Braid, but more streamlined. It was easier to get into, and easier to make your girlfriend like. The hooks were tighter and the vocals were catchier. This EP was a great premonition of what to look forward to in their first Full-length. Definitely worth checking out, especially if you're a fan of the band already.

Archers of Loaf - The Greatest of All Time EP

I'll be honest that this band has always been a bit hit-or-miss with me. When they're on, their songs make up some of the best punk-rock anthems ever impregnated onto record. When they're off, they're, well... Meh. As far as a cohesive record, "The Greatest of All Time" is definitely their most cohesive and solid work. If you ever need to hear something to put you back right smack into the early 90s, give this little baby a spin.

Well cats, thanks for reading about some incredible EPs I've come across over the years. I'd love to hear what you guys came up with for yours! Feel free to let me know what they are in the comments section below, or simply call me on my cell and talk them dirty to me. I'll be up all night!

-Gordon Vanguard

For anyone that may have been keeping track, no, these are in no particular order. But anyways, thanks for waiting and thanks for coming back! Let's jump right back in to this bitch.

PINBACK - Some Voices EP

ss

I've talked about Pinback's ability to construct hooky and rhythmically satisfying tunes in the past, but that's not necessarily what makes this ep stand out. Coming directly after their debut, "This is a Pinback CD," this follow-up must have come as a real surprise to their listeners. Their debut doesn't even come close to matching the grandiosity that happens in here, and wouldn't even come close to matching on their next full-length, "Blue Screen Life." Now if they'll just get their asses back in the studio...

MARITIME - Adios

I'll spare you the obligatory OMGZILOOOOOOVEPromiseRing!!!!!!!11 fanboy nonsense I give most people the second the word "emo" ever pops up in conversation, but with that said, I'll go ahead and note that I've always had a mixed reaction to Davey VonBohlen's follow-up band, Maritime (but more on that some other day). This EP quite possibly spoiled the band for me, far exceeding mostly everything that came after it. It's mix of dancey pop-rock anthems, energetic songwriting, and a healthy dose of synths and saxophones make this a really fun record to listen to. It made me forget, if only for a second, that the band-that-will-not-be-mentioned did not exist anymore. The first two tracks made the cut on their first full-length record, but the last three, which are just as good in their own right, can only be found on this VERY limited ep release (or the japanese bonus track LP... Why do the Japanese always get the bonus tracks??). If you can find it, get it!

LOVE OF EVERYTHING - friENDS

Strip to the Sky by Love of Everything

If anyone was ever looking for a good introduction into this earnest lo-fi chicago band, this might be the place to start. Lead by frontman Bobby Burg (of Joan of Arc fame), he takes us on a gentle and heartfelt ride into the bowels of real indie rock. Although I've always had a hard time getting into most of Love of Everything's list of albums (see them live instead), this one, whether it be due to it's thoughtful production or strange catchiness, has always stuck with me. This 9 song, 15 minute EP can be found on iTunes!

LADY SOVEREIGN - Vertically Challenged

Before her ill-fated career with Def Jam, Lady Sovereign released this absolutely stunning brit-hop ep, Vertically Challenged. I still remember the night I was riding in my car with a buddy, while this song, "A Little bit of Shhh" came on. My friend and I were so floored by it, we nearly drove straight to the nearest record store to find anything by this then obscure oddity. When her American release finally came out, I couldn't have been more disappointed with what they'd done with her. Interestingly enough though, you could probably pick out all of the good songs off it and find them on this EP, along with a couple other goodies that didn't make the American cut. Maybe she'd been mis-marketed here in America, or maybe Lady Sovereign just ended up being a one trick pony, but I'll invite you to track down this earlier release and discover why at one time she was more than just an MIA clone.

Stay tuned for part 3!

...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - Secret of Elena's Tomb

Most people's interest in Trail of Dead all but began and ended with their third full length, "Source Tags and Codes," heralded by Pitchfork media as being "The perfect rock album." Although I don't necessarily disagree with the assessment, it wasn't until this follow-up EP came out that really got me excited about what this band was capable of. The first two tracks (including the live one featured above) sound as if they'd fit right at home on their previous release, while the last three take a hard left turn into experimental production, synthesizers, cellos, and even bagpipes! It alluded to that big, grandiose sound you suspected they always wanted to go for, but never had the budget to create until now... which is what made their next album "World's Apart" that much more of a big heaping pile of disappointment, but that's a story for another day.

The Anniversary/Superdrag Split EP

I'm gonna come out and say it. Not only do I think this split between The Anniversary and Superdrag is the Best EP I know, but I'd go out and say it's the best musical release I own. Both bands were in a rather confused stage of their musical career. The Anniversary was transitioning from their very traditionally 90s synth-pop sound into a retro psychedelia, and Superdrag was still recovering from their 15 minutes, trying to claw back into a modest amount of media attention. When these bands made each of their three songs for this release, the planet's must have aligned into a straight line, acting as an antenna to summon the power of Orion's belt, as it was mixed under a full moon durning an electrical storm. Because the sheer power and beauty of this work will take your breath away and leave you marveled at the power of both music, and the talented engineers that put it all together. I don't even know what else to say. The track I've posted only minutely does it justice. If you want the real meat 'n' potatoes, find The Anniversary's contribution "Up in The Sky," which I feel could honestly rival any Beatles track off Sgt. Pepper. If you're lucky enough to be able to find this EP, don't hesitate to pick it up. I've never known anyone who's owned it that didn't think much differently about it than i do. It's simply life changing. 

1. Temper Trap - Fader

I saw this band by accident during the last BEEP BEEP tour. This was one of the most surprisingly good opening acts I have ever seen. If you like any of their singles, take a chance at seeing them live. The band's energy is only matched by their very devoted fans. Fader sports catchy melodies and a simple structure supported by a fantastic anthem drum beat.

2. Nine Inch Nails - Perfect Drug

An intense psychotic song for an intense psychotic movie. Nine Inch Nails delivers the best tune off the Lost Highway soundtrack, as well as one of the best soundtrack songs ever. We've got creepy ascending bass and violin parts, layers upon layers of drum tracks; not to mention my favorite drum solos ever. If this doesn't get your inner producer juices flowing, nothing will.

3. Black Eyed Peas - Dirty Bit

I know a lot of people who've sworn off Black Eyed Peas since they became the pop sensations they are today. However, I can't help but be continuously surprised by their innovations to the pop and club scenes. For months I would hear these great songs play, only to find out later, "Thats a BEP song too??" Their dynamism remains unmatched by all of their contenders. When I heard they did a remix of "Time of my Life," I was skeptical to say the least, but between the just-off-beat-enough rolling synths and the near-perfect use of auto-tune, I was sold instantly on this one.

4. Foo Fighters - Rope

It's no news to anyone who knows me how big of a grunge kid I was growing up, but even I have been a little turned off my some of The Foo Fighters later entries in their catalogue. I would be lying if I said I thought that "Rope" was a return to form, but you can tell that they've been digging deeper into 90's alternative and power-pop collections than ever before. This song reminds me what made me like Foo Fighters more than their predecessor in the first place, or any other grunge band for that matter.

5. Rihanna Feat. Drake - What's My Name

An instant classic. Although I can't say I am much of a fan of Drake's albums, his presence in this song is spot on. We've got a pulsing, yet spastic drum beat phasing in and out. We've got a beautifully texturizing synth rhythm. Rihanna's catchy and intoxicating melodies float and weave around each other beautifully. However, the strangest thing I noticed about this song is that there's no bass at all. It just goes to show that less is often more, and if the song works without something thats normally essential, don't force it. I like the red hair, too.

-Gordon Vanguard

Fuck Jimmy Eat World.

Okay, hear me out. Yes, maybe JEW and I have a bit of a rocky history; a love/hate relationship, if you will. I think many people probably feel the some similar sentiment towards them. Let me start at the beginning...

Like almost every Jimmy Eat World fan, I didn't start finding out about them until their breakthrough album, "Bleed American" hit the store shelves. I heard about it through some internet buzz on message boards I frequented, and picked it up on the first couple of weeks it came out. The album was great. It blended the heavy and the mellow in a mix of powerful vocal deliveries and truly memorable rock anthems. The album came packed with some nice ROM material and links to a secret website that included a home-made music video of "Sweetness." My friends and I reveled in our secret gem, as if we'd stumbled upon some unknown emo-pop gold mine. I also remember rooting every time I heard the first single, "Bleed American" out in public. My only two complaints of the album were that there were too many ballads (about half the record) and one particular obnoxiously poppy song.

In the dawn of 9/11, two things happened to "Bleed American" that were going to change the band forever. For their second single, JEW chose the one that took the world by storm, "The Middle." As far as I can remember, this song was released as a single probably within a month of 9/11, due to which the band decided to change the name of the album from the now racy "Bleed American" to a self-titled LP (even though they already had one, as well as an EP). Since "The Middle" quickly turned Jimmy Eat World into a household name at nearly the same time, I made the inside joke of calling everyone who bought a self-titled copy of it a poser! (Simmer down Clarity fans, I'm getting to you.)

It was also at about this time that I began listening to JEW's earlier works. "Static Prevails" and "Clarity" (I have never owned or listened to their original self-titled album from 1994, nor do I think most people care to dig it up since Adkin's only sings on one song anyway). I listened through about half of "Static Prevails" before tossing it aside like everyone else who ever listened to it. After that, I was caught completely off-guard when I popped "Clarity" into my CD player (people used to have CD players). Honestly, I could go on for hours about this album, but everyone who's heard it already knows what I have to say about it, and everyone who hasn't probably doesn't care, so I won't go into details.

The announcement of "Futures" was kind of a big deal for a lot of people. Since "Bleed American" was written and produced out of JEW's pockets, and was generally untouched by producers from large record companies, "Bleed American" was as pure of a record as they were ever gonna make. Since "Futures" was announced on Interscope, we couldn't help but wonder how bad of a burn this was going to make on the music. Would Jimmy Eat World bite the corporate bullet? Would they stand by their ingenuity and make their biggest opus yet? "Clarity" was a Capitol record, and that one turned out amazingly, so what's the worst that could happen?

Well, the result wasn't THAT bad... I probably disliked this album more than most of my friends, though. All of the singles fell flat with me, the production definitely felt like a cash-in of everything that worked commercially for "Bleed American." The album was missing something, and although the songs weren't really bad, it lacked the charm and heart that the last two records were so efficient with. The only song that really did it for me off this record was "The World You Love," which I'm still astounded never became a single. 

When "Chase This Light" came out, you knew something was really wrong. This was no longer the band I fell in love with. Instead stood a completely whitewashed, empty shell of a band whom I once considered to be the leading pioneers of their genre. Where's the texture? Where's the genuineness? Where's the grime?? Their newest album, "Invented," is the real kick in the face, and is probably their blandest album to date. It's completely devoid of any of the heartache, dreaminess, or hook of their golden age.

Before I go on, let me give a few disclaimers on how I feel about the music industry.

1). I'd like to iterate that I don't believe in the idea of a band "selling out," in the raditional sense. Although I am a musician myself, I'll be the first to tell you that being in a band on a label is a JOB. If you invent something for a company, you obviously don't own the product. The company that hired you to make it does. This is how all business works, and record companies are no exception.

2). Becoming a commercially successful musician does not make you a bad person, nor does it necessarily make for bad music.

3). Pop (and popular) music is not evil. There are good and bad artists in these genres just like there are in any other. And just because a million people bought the album, doesn't mean it's automatically worse than Joe-Indie's limited run vinyl LP you bought from the mom and pop record store.

Jimmy Eat World Syndrome is different than the traditional idea of selling out. Big record label's don't necessarily spawn worse albums. They offer higher budgets in exchange for some (or a lot) of creative direction. It's not always worse, it's just different. In the case of Jimmy Eat World, their albums continuously feel like they offer less and less texture: fewer instruments, fewer melodies, and fewer hooks. They use the same cookie-cutter song template so many times that you feel like you've been hearing the same single for five years straight. The guitars are so clean and even that they sound like someone tracked them using a MIDI guitar. Any spark of originality and ingenuity has been severed clean off. Any poignancy or message from their lyrics have been shed away for ones about the same old generic high-school relationship. JEW is committing what I feel to be one of the most heinous crimes of any musician: They're playing it safe.

Jimmy Eat World Syndrome (JEWS) onset is caused when a band gets their first taste of commercial success. The band becomes so fearful of loosing it that they retreat into a gaping hole of songwriting repetition, fearful of ever trying anything unique or different from what's worked in the past. Each new version of the same single or same album is like a series of sequels to that one really great movie that try oh-so hard to recapture it's former glory and fall miserably into intermediacy. It's so much a travesty that'd I'd actually rather see my favorite band trade in every iota of rock and spirit to the dance-pop auto-tune mainstream machine. It might turn out bad, but at least it's not boring. Jimmy Eat World has turned into a painfully boring, whitewashed, cookie cutter band, because they are so afraid of leaving their comfort zone. Jim Collins says, "good is the enemy of great," and that can not be more true than referring to bands with JEWS.

I know that Jimmy Eat World is not the first band to suffer from this syndrome, but since this IS the band that made "Clarity," it's a pretty long way to fall, and serves as the prime example to the suffering of all bands inflicted with JEWS.

Jimmy Eat World, you have gone from being one of the most heartfelt and compelling bands on my stereo to being the most generic, average, and mediocre groups I know of. Either do what you're good at, or let the labels take control, then at least someone might like it. Until then, I am calling you out!

- Gordon"s probably a hypocrite" Vanguard

Some other bands currently afflicted with JEWS:

KINGS OF LEON

BLACK EYED PEAS 

RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

WEEZER

MATT POND PA

SILVERSUN PICKUPS

INCUBUS

Know some more? Leave a message below!

This alleged follow-up to Jet-Set's 2004 album, "...Owns Your Brain," this album was pieced together from several random recordings, failed bands, and other older material. 

I'll begin by trying to recall 2005 - and say that I have a real hard time remembering that far back. I'm a very existential person, and have many holes in my memory regarding anything between '00 and '06. Jet-Set Stereo feels like a relic to me now. I had been working under the name since about 2001. I did a lot of drugs, got really depressed, and made weird cerebral-style rock music. I had just graduated from high school, and I had decided against going to college my first semester out (being either the worst or best decision I've ever made). I was no longer dating Jennie Lennick, featured in many of the "...Owns Your Brain" tracks, but a girl named Amy Cowing, who helped contribute to a few keyboard leads this time around. But mostly, this album was the brainchild of Kyle Benson and myself. He was going to school in Massachusetts at that time and we communicated and traded music via the internet on a regular basis. 

As I said, most of these songs were never intended to be put on an album together, though I still can't really call this a B-side album (I have a LOT of those already).

'Thank God for Excursion,' '1 2 3 4,' 'MX-23,' and 'Home Again' were all tracks from the first album I ever recorded called "Silent Motion." (I went around school selling it to unsuspecting students for two bucks a pop.)

'Irisch!' was sent to me from Kyle as a demo and agreed to let me put it on, as it fit in well with the spirit of the record.

'Sound & Ability,' and 'Snow Business' were recorded under the band The Forgetting Curve, featuring Kyle Benson, Jon Phillips, Anders, and me. The other songs we made demos for are long gone and probably not nearly as good as these two.

'Sickness' was a breakup song recorded after high school.

'Santa Doesn't Visit Prisons" was written and performed by Amy Cowing.

'David Bowie' is the stranger in the sense that it may have been the only song intended for the actual album, pieced together bit by bit for months. It's still probably my favorite of the bunch.

The real intention for this record was that I wanted all of these songs published and up on itunes for generations of ears to be preyed upon. It had a strong heart and played a lot more straight than it's predecessor. It's very gritty and very humble. I'm trying to remember why I never got around to publishing it. I may have deemed it not good enough, too scattered to consider it a real album. It may have been for financial reasons. It may have been because I was recording so much other stuff during that period that I felt I could make a more worthy follow-up.

Well, here it is now. It's not my best work, and it feels very very dated to me. I guess the point of all of this now is so that the world (as well as myself) doesn't forget its real. So many musicians put so much time into their music and recordings just to have them get buried in some backup hard drive sitting in the closet collecting dust. It may be a very immature album, treading water in a very deep pool, but I spent many hours, many long nights crafting these songs, filling them with thoughts and feelings that are undeniably a part of who I was, who I am, and who I will be. These songs are my memories, and deserve to be remembered, if by no one else than by myself. 

-Gordon Vanguard

Celebrity Politics

This song was inspired by looking through all the gossip magazines when I was cashiering at a grocery store, and is the first definite departure from the sound established by the foursome LICKER (talk your girlfriend into one of those tonight, guys). After being "solo" for about a year, and getting tired of dead ends, musician laziness, and large egos (probably my own included), I said FUCK IT, and started over with a semi-clean slate. The changes I made I felt were necessary to continue developing my songwriting structure without making it sound like I was hiding the fact that my drums were fake; that I'm not as amazing at bass and guitar as Randy and Mitch (God rest their souls). Rather, I wanted to embrace my seeming weaknesses into new strengths. I've had a lot of practice programming since I first bought the Dr-880, so why not use it to make electronic percussion instead of trying to mimic a real drummer? I even picked myself up some MIDI cables so I could turn some of the bass parts I had on there into deep, dirty synth parts. I started picking up my bass again consistently for the first time in years, too.

Celebrity Politics was all about starting fresh, experimentation, and re-discovering myself musically. Live performances are sparse, and the website is still a baby, but this song, this one right here is what's been reminding me why I make music. I love to create. This song comes from so many facets of my heart and soul and I'm honored to share it here. Thanks for listening, everyone. Hope you like the style! I have many more great ideas in store; this is merely the beginning.

Listen to and Download "Celebrity Politics" HERE!

Paranoid (Kanye West Cover)

This is actually my second attempt at working on a hip hop song, the first being Mickey Avalon's "My Dick" (don't expect a recording of that any time soon...). I've been working on a lot more electronic and pop influenced music lately, so it only made sense to start dipping my hand into some hip hop (the influence could already be seen in tracks like "Pregnant Brain" and "Stupid Girl"). This is also the only song I've recorded that I've relied solely on programmed parts, all of which designed to mimic Kanye's version as closely as possible. The only major difference here is in the audio samples, all of which came from Garageband. I don't have the resources I used to from programs like Abelton Live, but these got the job done here. The vocals turned out as good as I could have hoped. I haven't been regretting leaving in as many vocal flubs as I had been on past recordings, and for such a leap in style change here, they came out better than I was expecting. T-Paining was done using Auto-Tune Evo, which I just got and is very very complicated.

I've always had an adoration for this song. Though I feel like the rest of 808's is a bit of a wash, "Paranoid" blended the perfect amount of pop, sentiment, and auto-tune into a very catchy and enticing song.

Hope you enjoy.

Listen to and download "Paranoid" HERE!

-Vanguard

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you combined Girls Gone Wild with a horde of blood hungry man-eating fish? "No, what kind of high-ass would come up with that idea," you're asking? Well, Dimension Films thought it would be a good idea. "Piranha 3D" is a loose remake of the '78 classic Joe Dante/Roger Corman version (which has FINALLY made it's way on to DVD). A lakeshore town celebrates a rowdy spring break until an underwater earthquake releases a prehistoric piranha ancestor that soon ravages the unsuspecting party-goers.

Well, believe it or not, this premise has a lot more going for it than you'd think. I'm not sure where to start, so I'm going to paint you a small picture: On the acting front, we got Jerry O'Connell as the sleazy coked-out girlsgonewild camera man, we got Eli Roth as the loud and obnxious wet t-shirt contest VJ, Richard Dreyfuss (who was surprisingly available) giving an obvious nod to his roll in the first Jaws film, and Christopher freakin' Lloyd playing himself playing a marine biologist. Is this starting to come together at all? Let me put it this way, "Piranha 3D" may not be the best horror movie I've ever seen, but it very well might be the most self-aware, which also makes it one of the smartest. It knows exactly what it's audience is, and what it's capable of accomplishing. Much of a nod to the original, it indulges on it's own campiness and overall ridiculous premise. What better place to have a bunch of killer piranhas than on the set of MTV Spring Break? And who would you rather see getting eaten by said piranhas than everyone ON that show?! The script is as entertaining and smart as they come, knowing both when to make fun of itself as well as take itself seriously. The acting ranges from amazing to appropriately casted (definitely the best child actor I've seen in this kind of film for years). You've got dozens of topless women prancing about, including a full-nude underwater interpretive dance set to Lakme's operatic "Flower Duet." The gore is massive and plentiful, with lots of real prosthetics and effects in addition to the now mandatory CG, which ranges from good to tolerable. I'd also like to note that this film was directed by Alexandre Aja, who's responsible for the "Hills Have Eyes" remake, the strongly effective french film "High Tension," and the writer of the underrated "P2." Keep an eye on this guy (especially if he directs the recently announced sequel).

...You know, come to think of it, for not being a zombie apocalypse film, this actually may have the highest body count I've ever seen for this kind of movie. When you think of all the Jason's and Rob Zombie's, and hell, even the Troma's, that's actually a pretty impressive accomplishment. In fact, if you divide the number of deaths by the number of breasts and multiply it by the square route of Christopher Lloyd, you may just have the best summer movie of 2010 (besides Inception). Think of this movie like one of the Tarantino Drive-in revivals, or better yet, like an even more over the top follow-up to "Snakes on a Plane." Hardly a frame went by that I didn't sit watching with a grin stretching ear to ear. The 3D is fun, and now marks the second time I've witnessed a penis come flying at my face (in a movie, you perverts...). You probably know already if it's the kind of movie you're interested in seeing. I can tell you safely that if you think you know what you're getting into, it won't disappoint!

Nudity: 8

Gore: 8

Entertainment Value: 10

(C) 2010 Dimension Films, Rated R

Foals - Total Life Forever (2010)

The Foals first piqued my interest when their first album played on the MPR station, The Current, called "Antecdotes." It was a solid blend of thrashy math-rock and catchy nonsense lyrics. Although it was a fun and exuberant album, it wasn't anything close to what I'd consider groundbreaking, by any means. I didn't have any real expectation when I found out they'd released a follow-up, but thought it might be worth checking out.

Not sense The Velvet Teen released "Cum Laude" have I been so blown away by such an intense artistic vision and sheer brilliance. "Total Life Forever" takes a very different approach than it's predecessor (if the cover is any indication), focusing less on a chaotic in-your-face tone and into a much subtler and deeper soundscape. It's spacey 80s inspired production is the backdrop for it's pop hooks, danceable club beats, and highly emotional delivery of singer Andrew Mears singing (whose lyrics are much more focused than before). The most distinguishable difference I noticed was the key roll the bass plays in these songs, delivering a strong blend of funk and groove that more than compliment the dance-rock drumming style. The songs make me want to both dance as well as sit in awe of their sheer beauty. 

The song "Miami" is a near homage to the older Cure style, with a hooky groove that will get stuck in your head for days. "This Orient" is the poppiest radio-friendly song on the record, which is both sentimental and dancy enough to compete with large indie acts like TV on the Radio or Arcade Fire. It's surprising that the record sneaks in as many slower songs as it does too, like "Spanish Sahara" or "Alabaster" without bogging it down. And it wasn't until weeks of listening that I realized just how many songs broke the six minute mark without me even noticing, something that most bands can't accomplish. 

Although it may be alienating to many of the Foals earlier fans, "Total Life Forever" successfully develops and focuses the band's strengths into a very intimate and focused follow-up. It's clear that the Foals have a very clear vision, and probably no intention on banking on any past success or routine. I'm a little more than curious to see what direction they veer off to in the future, but until then, I'll keep "Total Life Forever" glued in my CD player.

-Vanguard

Hey y'all. I'm starting a new column where I periodically talk about some of the newer music I've been listening to. (Noteworthy... is that too corny of a pun? Yeah? Good!) I started to feel like I've been falling behind lately (Mary Lucia, please come to Chicago...), so I recently bought a bunch of albums that've come out this year. One of which I'm going to talk about today:

Autolux - Transit Transit (2010)

Back in '04, I experience Autolux for the first time when browsing a local music store, who happened to pop in their first album "Future Perfect." It was instant ear candy, and I picked it up that day. The band seemed like a dream come true for me, capturing all of the best qualities of 90s alternative, shoegaze, and grunge. The inspiration of bands such as Sonic Youth, My Bloody Valentine, and Smashing Pumpkins is made very apparent through their grungy guitars, somber vocals, and dreamy synth. Though maybe very behind their time (I know the feeling...), this album uses enough modern production and polish to keep their sound crisp and fresh. Six years later, it still really holds up for me.

Well, years started going by, and I began to wonder if I had heard the last of Autolux. Luckily for me though, I started finding them pop up here and there to let me know they still existed, appearing on two UNKLE albums as well as the release of an iTunes single. This last month, when All Music Guide told me they'd finally returned for an LP, I knew I had to check it out.

While maintaining the charm and atmosphere of it's predecessor, "Transit Transit" is a very different experience, assumably taking more influence from their work with UNKLE. Shoegaze is much more a priority this time around, and am I the only one who senses a little Yo La Tengo here? I'm reminded of the mishap ...Trail of Dead made when ditching their near perfect rock formula in exchange for their grandiose, over-the-top, and ultimately flat concept album, "Worlds Apart" (I don't need to hear women sobbing in ANY song!). Autolux also had a story to tell, an arching feeling to express to their listeners, but instead of upping the scale, they pulled back, cut down, and showed a lot of restraint. Although this might scare off some of their fans, leaning more towards the mellow and dreamy than the rock and catchiness of "Future Perfect." It's the kind of album that seeps into you, doesn't merely show you the musical planescape of the prior, but acually puts you in it, makes you feel and experience it. I am a rocker at heart, but I still enjoy a slower, quieter song when the songwriting is there. (I can enjoy a poorly written headbanger, but a long boring ballad just drags me down.) The songwriting is definitely here, the production is here, and there's still a few nice heavy hitters to tide us over.

-Vanguard

For some reason lately, I've been thinking quite a lot about my childhood. Not even so much of what happened when I was young, but just how everything felt. Every TV show, movie, game, or outing carried  a life of its own, a such distinct character and personality... a "flavor" if you will. It's like wine, in a sense, cause the longer you wait from whence the memory was created, the stronger and bolder the nostalgia tastes.

It's not that I don't enjoy music or movies or exploration as much as I used to, it's just that they weigh so much differently on a 5 year old brain than they do on some 24 year olds. I remember looking through the video store as a kid, and having every cover of every movie convey a story and feeling stronger than what it's like to actually watch it now. Which begs me to ask the question of how to recreate these feelings today, in my aged and slowly withering imagination. Maybe I just did too many drugs and watched too much TV when I was younger, but for as imaginative of a kid I was, I have a really hard time harnessing those skills  now. I dont even think it's not there anymore, it's just very jumbled, full of static, and quickly jumps from one vague idea to the next before I can expand on any imagery or ideas.

It's really easy to blame mediums such as TV, movies, and video games for really dulling down imagination in today's age, but they make you feel such an intense and strongly profound way as a kid that few other things did, that exposing yourself to as much of it as you can almost seems like a good idea. This is more or less what I ended up doing. Maybe I put in so much stimuli then that I feel downright addicted to it now, and possibly gave me a mix of ADD and minor manic-depressive symptoms, but it instilled more of those feelings, more of that nostalgia than I think a lot of people got (although I think most people get more than they think). And you know what? It feels really good to think about them. It releases a sweet mix of endorphins that can never be bottled and sold. We all have those childhood memories; would any of you trade them in? 

It's different for our parents too, cause they didn't grow up with media like we did. Their nostalgia lies in much simpler things and times. That's okay and fine for them, but with how much our media today has expanded and basically marketed to hone into all sorts of stimuli we didn't know our brains could even comprehend, it kind of makes you wonder how kids of today are handling it, and more importantly, how it will affect them when they grow up.

Now, as a 24 year old, I can't take back all the hours I spent glued to a TV for any various reason, and I can't argue that I'm still very much addicted to several facets of it's stimuli (not broadcast television though, I gave that one up several years ago), I'm going to try to make the most of my experiences and view media of today as I would as a kid, and how it would feel to play that video game, or watch that movie with those fresh virgin eyes I used to have, not the jaded and diluted ones I have now. After that, maybe I'll try using them elsewhere in the world, like at work, or at the bar, just to see how it feels. I don't want to go overboard, but it's an important perspective that I think a lot of people quite literally lose sight of as they get older. I'm not as good at being a productive do-er as I'd like to be, and maybe not even as good of a feel-er as I used to be. My feelings often come and go as they please without much control or direction, but I have them in me, and this might be a creative way of exploring the experience of feeling. After all, feelings are the ingredients of music, and as most of us can tell, the stronger the feeling, the stronger the music.

-Gordon "run on sentence" Vanguard

Every musician alive does what they do because they heard someone once that made them want to do it, and once that musician hears those who make them do what they want to do, they do so to recreate what those did into what they do to make them feel like they're doing what those did. Naturally, I am no exception, so I've compiled a list of the top 10 albums that made me the musician that I am today. I put a lot of time into this, so I hope you enjoy!

10. Cum Laude - The Velvet Teen (2006)

Starting their career as a spacy emo band and stumbling into power pop realms before cradling into a ladykilling piano-rock band that lied somewhere between Rufus Wainwright and early Radiohead, I didn't have high expectations from their third release, Cum Laude. Upon popping it into my CD player I immediately realized just how wrong my pressumption was. All preconceived notions, all pianos, all commercialization had been thrown out the window. In it's place stood dirty synths, distorted megaphone-like singing, and a drummer hopped up on so much speed you'd think he were using jackhammers instead of drumsticks. It's an intense blend that's held together by lavish synth-pop melodies and singer Judah Nagler's very talented Muse-like voice (one of my very favorites in music). The messy tone of the album is very distinct and it's rare to see a band get so down and dirty without losing an ounce of pop-sensible catchiness. Although I feel like this album fell slightly below radar even for indie fans, it's a rare and beautiful find that should not be passed up by anyone who seeks something a little grimier in their synth-pop.

Highlights: Noi Boi, 333, In a Steadman Spray

9. Autumn of the Seraphs - Pinback

This power duo defined themselves with their calming and sweet polytonal songwriting, sometimes dreamy and sometimes quirky. They take you for a mellow yet intense ride that journeys through summer day-dreaminess and anthem-like power ballads that make for a very memorable experience. Although Autumn of the Seraphs may not be as strong of an album as a whole as Summer in Abaddon was, a lot of their catchiest and most rockin' songs are to be found here. Just as engaging live, Smith and Crow bounce back their distinct singing styles beneath a very bass driven sound that's both very heartfelt and energetic. With such a heavy amount of creativity behind it, Pinback makes for a very listenable experience that lets the listener discover more and more with each playthrough. If you can, seek out the version that includes the bonus disc with three of the best songs from the sessions.

Highlights: Good to Sea, From Nothing to Nowhere, Walters

8. Analphabetapolothology - Cap'n Jazz (1998)

One taste of these thrashy Chicagoians will leave a strong impression in your ears sure leave them ringing for days. A cornerstone for the 90s indie music scene in Chicago, Cap'n Jazz has spawned dozens of other projects including Joan of Arc, Owen, Make believe, The Love of Everything, and even The Promise Ring. This album is a collection of the short lived band's recordings on a two disc set. Listening to it for the first time gives you a rush of energy and adrenaline, realizing what sheer power and intensity they're able to harness that drives their very schizophrenic sound. No Dreamtheater, Danzig, or Slipknot can match their indie rock ferocity. Cap'n Jazz is headed by screamer/singer/musician Tim Kinsella, who in general has been a huge inspiration for me, whether it be from his stream-of-conscience, turn-of-phrase lyrics to his uncompromising songwriting style. Although I've grown away from many of his projects and musical philosophies, my love for Analphabetapolothology is undeniable. There's a lot of talent behind the project, a lot of sincere emotion amorphously described, and backed by that heated and furious energy that defines this band amongst it's community.

Highlights: Little League, Troubled by Insects, Ooh Do I Love You

7. Nothing Feels Good - The Promise Ring (1997)

The Promise Ring is essential listening for anyone with a taste for 90's emo. With their first album being a little too raw and depressing for most, and their third a little alienating with it's all too heavy pop vibe, Nothing Feels Good is the middle child that balances the intensity of their emotional power, with the catchiness of their obvious pop overtones. While listening, it's hard not to start bobbing your head and singing along to Davey's catchy lyric writing, when you listen closer, it engages you to empathize with it's themes of the harshness and beauty of relationships (and the search of such). Listening to this album is like snuggling a teddy bear on a lonely summer night. It's innocent affection and open ear let's you release what you need to let go of, and walk away feeling good about yourself, encouraging you to drive forward with your head hanging high. It's something a little uncommon for emo albums of the time, but not many artists are able to rub so much pop into their woes so effectively.

Highlights: Red & Blue Jeans, Make Me a Chevy, A Broken Tear

6. Gizmodgery - Self (2000)

Self is lead by the intensely talented mind of Matt Mahaffery. Much like an indie rock equivelant of Beck, Mahaffery shows off his songwriting prowess by bouncing between and crossing genres with thick textured pop-rock and dazzling sound presence. Gizmodgery is a concept album with the idea that the whole album be written and performed with an odds and ends assortment of childrens toys and instruments, ranging from a child-size drum set to a Speak and Spell. This is also Matt's funkiest album, which he mixes seamlessly into his bizarre set of instrumentation. Listen to this album and tell me you wouldn't want to jump-ride-the-whip with Trunk Fulla Amps bumpin' on the car stereo. If The Promise Ring made the perfect blend of emo and pop, Self created the perfect blend of rock and funk (Sorry Chili Peppers...). If you don't know about this band, then do yourself a favor and go to www.self-centered.org and download the oodles of free music and internet albums he has posted.

Highlights: Trunk Fulla Amps, Alive, Patty Cake

5.Promotional Copy - Reggie and the Full Effect (2000)

What started as a tongue-in-cheek side project for The Get Up Kid's keyboardist James Dewees, Reggie and the Full Effect is the quintessential example of what indie synth-pop should sound like. James's albums are filled with gag tracks, songs performed by fake bands, emotional excrements, and indie rock that's poppy enough to rival anything by The Rentals. Although his albums got progressively darker, due mostly to a rough divorce, his early music is innocent and carefree. His second album, Promotional Copy is the first one I heard and my personal favorite. Within it are Synth harmonies catchy enough to make Buddy Holly sit up in his grave, guitars wailing so hard you'd think Rob Zombie were nearby, and a very distinct electronica influence that distinguishes it from it's predecessor. Keep in mind, all of this is stuffed between country-techno square dancing, a finlandish hardcore song about dwarves, and a recording of a fake gang shooting of the lead singer. As chaotic and absurd as it all may sound, James takes all this and makes it seem plausible, creating a package that's very fun and listenable, tapping into the hard, easy, uneasy, and plain ol' chaotic nonsense of our youth. It certainly tapped into mine.

Highlights: Thanx for Stayin', Relive the Magic...Bring the Magic Home, Something I'm Not

4. Self-Titled - Foo Fighters (1995)

By far the most widely known album on this list, the Foo Fighters did for me what I think Nirvana did for most people. When I was a young kid first learning about music, I was into rock and grunge like Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, and especially Nirvana's Nevermind album. Then something happened to me, I started to learn how to play an instrument. Nirvana is obviously a great starting point because of the simplicity of the songwriting formula. After you get a little better, it's easy to grow really bored with Nirvana, and it's over-saturation in the media isn't doing it any favors either (This is why album's like In Utero and Unplugged sat better with me). Once I started listening to Foo Fighters, I realized the large potential that grunge has to offer. David Grohl's songwriting wasn't any more complicated than Kurt's, but he has more love, more care-free spirit, and a ton more drive. Grohl successfully picked up the pieces of his fallen comrade and became the voice of the genre, and his sound and vision still hold up today, both growing with the times yet never faltering off from what the band represents.

highlights: I'll Stick Around, Big Me, Good Grief

3. Rather Ripped - Sonic Youth (2006)

To be honest, I hadn't known a ton about this band Until a fateful summer in 2006 when myself and a couple of friends attended one of the many concerts going on that year at the Minnesota State Fair. It was quite an impressive lineup - The Magic Numbers, The Flaming Lips, and then of course, Sonic Youth. A really horrible storm hit us right as the music was about to start, and it didn't look positive that the show was going to happen. Fortunately, the storm started to fade, and although it was a late start, The Magic Numbers squeezed in a short acoustic set (for the happiest poppiest and most harmonious folk music you've ever heard, check out The Magic Numbers) before the always impressive Flaming Lips took the stage. Then it was time for the main act, who opened up with Teenage Riot. I stood there jaw-dropped through the whole song, watching those spunky 40 year olds bounce around stage, exchanging dueling guitar solos, jaded and carefree dance moves, as well as some of the lushest and tightest group performing I'd ever witnessed and heard. They soon delved into Rather Ripped in it's entirety, and although it's not their most popular album, it's definitely their poppiest and most accessible. It's rare to hear a band you've never seen before live and hang on every song as much as I was for them, never wanting them to cut any song sort, yet always eagerly awaiting the next. Needless to say, I picked up the CD right away. The best part about listening to that album was realizing that for their live show they were playing it note for note! Though it's fun to see a band do something different live, popping in that album will always bring me back to that concert, the best one I've ever seen.

Highlights: Incinerate, Reena, James Run free

2. Bakesale - Sebadoh (1994)

If the tattoo on my chest is any indication, I hold Sebadoh very close to my heart. Their music has always been centered around it's heartfelt energy and raw delivery, ranging anywhere from simple acoustic home recordings to full band in-your-face rock and roll. Bakesale takes place after the removal of core band member Eric Gaffney and brings Jason Lowenstein to the forefront with Lou Barlow who's songs take turns, complimenting each other's different styles, Lou being the heart and Jason being the adrenalin. Bakesale is the hardest of their albums to listen to due to it's high-octane level of emotion and bitter sense of darkness. It is both very personal and dreamlike, encapsulating the anxiety and stress of being human and expressing it in a very profound way. 15 songs expand the album and not one of them feels tacked on or out of place. each has a different tale to tell, whether it be about the complexity of dreaming or the pressure of co-existing with the rest of the world. Sebadoh creates a soundscape that's hard to match, and whole-heartedly describes the emotion within each song both lyrically and musically. A couple years ago I got the chance to see them perform live as the original trio, the first time they've played together in 15 years. It's easy to get an impression about a band only to see them live and realize they don't live up to the mythos you had created of them in your head. Sebadoh delivered in spades, being exactly how I had pictured and hoped they'd be, solidifying them as my favorite band of all time. Their lavish prowess of songwriting could only be exceeded by one album...

Highlights: Magnet's Coil, Careful, Dramamine

1. Emergency & I - The Dismemberment Plan (1999)

Every once in a while, sometimes once in a lifetime, a band comes along and creates something so perfect, so pure, so much exactly like what you always envisioned as being quintessential music that it can make you feel like all of life's problems, challenges, and disappointments can be justified because you got the chance to experience such an immaculate piece of art. Although this description might sound exaggerated, I feel that all fans of music have that one album that they regard above everything else, maybe even their own existence. You probably didn't even need to think twice about what that album was for yourself, too. The Dismemberment Plan's mix of quirky thrash, synth-pop, and sheer musical and songwriting talent peaked with this release. Creative storytelling and carefully orchestrated crafting can be found on every song, from the first note to the last. The album takes it's listener on a breath-taking journey, always knowing exactly where they need to go, through both the gentle and the brash without it ever breaking ebb and flow. Much feels strange and foreign lying within the layers of synth or sometimes snarky lyrics, but it never seems to overbalance the hook and melody that makes all the weird seem accessible. Every song is taken on differently, with a new unique style and prospective that never seems to break the overarching theme and continuity. Like a modern day Sgt. Pepper, Emergency & I breaks through boundaries on every song; everything goes and nothing can go wrong.

Highlights: The City, Memory Machine, I Love a Magician

Very honorable Mentions:

Emblems - Matt Pond PA

Source Tags & Codes - ...And You Will Know us by the Trail of Dead

Clarity - Jimmy Eat World

Carnavas - Silversun Pickups

We Are The Only Friends That We Have - Piebald

Midnight Boom - The Kills

Thanks for reading guys! Now I'd like to ask you guys what your favorite albums are. What albums are the most significant and mean the most to you? Feel free to post your own lists and comments here. I'll be excited to hear what you guys have to say!

Hatch was a alternative/emo project founded by Jonathan Peasley, on drums, and Ethan Lewis, on guitar, back in the early 2000s. I stumbled across this band when a buddy invited me to a show at The Depot in Hopkins, MN. I was floored by their obvious passion and intense stage presence. I didn't have a band at the time and saw that they were short a bass player. I talked to Ethan after the show and told them I'd be interested in turning their project into a three-piece, and they picked me up quick. We were a loud band, as anyone who had seen us can tell you, especially when it came to our trademark set closer which climaxed with the three of us thrashing our instruments until Ethan had broken all of his strings, thrown his guitar down, leaving it to sit on the stage feeding back until everyone in the audience was plugging their ears. For the next six months, we played several shows throughout the suburbs of Minneapolis and even managed to record a three song EP. Jonathan's heavy and complex drumming, as well as Ethan's insistence on recording his guitar through two amps simultaneously added to the grandiose of the sound that was captured. Unfortunately, shortly after the completion of our EP, we disbanded, partly because of my outlandish drug use of the time (and their strong christian beliefs), but mostly because one of their girlfriends started to really really dig me (which I didn't come to learn until months later).

So that's basically it. A sweet, but short lived energetic band called HATCH. To my knowledge, neither Jonathan, nor Ethan are currently working on new music, which I will keep doing research on, cause I'd really love to hear what these two extraordinary musicians are making.

-Gordon Vanguard

To hear music from HATCH and other past projects, go to the OLD PROJECTS section!

Just finished watching The Grudge 3. Remember those movies? They did a direct to DVD third one. I'll write out a review of that in the next day or so. Did anyone else completely miss that there's a new Romero zombie movie coming out called Survival of the Dead? How did I miss that. I'd love to find a good website for news on horror movies. I've never quite found one I really like though. Oh well...

New music in the works. I finished my cover of 'Believe it or Not.' I'll give you more info on it's premier as soon as I find out more about it's status as The Cinema Snob's guest theme song. I've worked out a version of Spoony's theme song, "Break Me," which should also get recorded later this week. It's maybe a bit deeper and emotional than I had originally intended it to be, so I'll have to wait and see what Spoony thinks of that one. I'm also working on a cover of Kanye West's 'Paranoid,' having been inspired by Kyle's new auto-tune program that I want to take some over-advantage of. I've kinda been in a pop music fix lately, and want to experiment on writing my own pop songs. I'm looking into getting a synth FX box i can hook up to my drum machine to get some more dynamic tones out of it instead of getting a keyboard, i think it might be an effective alternative.

Also, two new album's of great interest have come out this week. One by Minus the Bear, and the other by Broken Social Scene. Has anyone heard these yet???

Alright guys. Thanks for reading. I'll be back soon. In the meantime, head over to the music section and check out the songs by my old band Hatch. I'll probably be uploading a couple more misc. songs today too. I'll send out a new newsletter soon as well, when I've got a little more to report.

Peace.

Well, I'm excited to be putting out my first review of a NEW movie, cause I've gotten a lot of people asking me for my thoughts on this one. I'll start by saying that there's a lot of controversy surrounding the resurgence of remakes on all the classic horror icons we've grown up with. Many complain that these movies are too sacred to be re-imagined, that companies are milking these icons for any remaining dollar value they might have (I won't argue that), and some even accuse these reboots of ruining the franchises entirely. I think it's important for everyone to keep in mind that REMAKES ARE NOT A NEW PHENOMENON. Films have been remade since the beginning of cinema! Look up a movie like Dracula and tell me how many times it got remade, or re-imagined even before 1970! Hell, Even the original 1931 Universal Studios version got remade (by the same company) shot for shot that same year for Spanish audiences. That's seventy years before 'The Ring' was redone for America! Moreover, if you want to discuss the retelling of classic stories for newer audiences, you'd really have to dig far beyond the origins of film making, cause almost every movie ever made is in some way derived from either The Bible or some other religious/spiritual folklore. What I'm saying, is that our natural dislike of stories from our childhood being retold differently is a trend that goes as far back as time itself. Ask your grandparents if they thought the new King Kong movie was as good as the original. They feel the same way about that as most of us feel about 'Twilight' being a complete load of crap compared to insert-your-favorite-vampire-movie-here. I'm sure in 10 years, something else will come out to piss everyone off who likes Twilight anyway.

Well, I'm completely off subject now, so let me get back on track. 'Nightmare on Elm Street 2010' is a remake of the '84 original by Platinum Dunes, the same guys who rebooted Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th (which was my favorite), and The Amityville Horror, to name a few, with several more being planned. This film follows a very similar story path as the original, with the same characters (sans John Saxon's father roll) who play out relatively similar events. The teens of Springwood are all having the same dreams of a burned man with knives for fingers who, when he kills you in your dreams, he kills you in the real world.

It's impossible to talk about this film without mentioning the new actor, Jackie Earle Haley,  behind the glove playing the iconic Freddy Kreuger. This is the first time EVER to have someone besides Robert Englund take on this roll, who has starred as Freddy in 8 movies, as well as a television series. Obviously, it's impossible for Haley to fully live up to his predecessor, but plays the part with a large amount of care, giving both homage and his own style and life to the roll. Haley is very scary, and very threatening, and I would love to see him play more of this roll in future movies. His makeup is quite different, toning down it's prior demon-like quality, and making him look more like someone who's really been burned in a fire. His facial structure is more disfigured and almost frog-like. This change really worked for me, capturing the threatening qualities of the original, while exaggerating his creepy and perverted nature.

That's the other big change in this movie. Freddy is no longer a child murderer. He's a downright child rapist, which is an issue that was severely downplayed in the original series (probably in fear of getting an NC-17 rating for the subject matter alone), and although no one ever comes out and says it per se, it's obviously insinuated, even to the point of a character looking at pictures of herself being molested as a kid, and is even subject to a dream of herself wearing her childhood clothes with Freddy hovering over her!

This film strives to capture the fear and terror that the original had, playing very straight and serious, with only a couple puns from Freddy (paying homage to the later sequels). It's littered with the expected jump-scares, and since there's zero character development of the teens, its harder to relate to them, or even care about them. The thing that makes this film scary is Haley's delivery of Freddy's truly haunting dialogue, which really steals the show.

The biggest disappointment to me from this film was the execution of the dream sequences. Towards the end of the original Nightmare series, the technology to produce the kids dreams got very surreal, if not Lynch-ian, especially in Freddy's Dead (my personal favorite), and the more CG heavy Freddy vs Jason, which really played in that films favor. It wasn't that any of the sequences were bad (except for a few blips of rather embarrassing CG effects, like Freddy coming through the wall of the bedroom), its just that with today's technology, they really could have made something truly abstract and nightmarish. I blame this mostly on the fact that they were taking almost all of the dream imagery from the original, and may have restricted a lot of it's potential creativity. This is why I'd really like to see a sequel to this where they feel more free to express the story in a new way. There is an almost limitless potential for this series that I still think has barely been tapped. I want to see a balls to the walls living nightmare!

The filmmakers did a very respectful and enjoyable imagining of this story, and I hope to see more of this series, as well as the Jason reboot. I hope that the upcoming remake of Hellraiser is taking notes so that it can also live up to its original.

I do not fear remakes or sequels. I do not even fear the money grubbers like Michael Bay who help get these projects off the ground, whether it be soley for financial reasons, or because they have a legitimate love and interest for these films. The world needs more of them, cause fewer genres are able to let their makers express their free-roaming imaginations more than in the horror genre. Keep 'em coming, Hollywood!

Gore: 4

Entertainment Value: 7

(C) 2010 Platinum Dunes, Rated R

Sometimes my girlfriend and I like to pick out an older TV show (we don't have cable) and watch it together start to finish. Last year we got Twin Peaks on VHS and watched them all within a few weeks. Probably one of the greatest shows to ever squeeze its way on television. It's too bad the show's run ended so poorly. I'd love for Lynch to get the rights to release the extended cut of 'Fire Walk with Me.' I didn't know how to feel about the film when it came out, and I still really don't, but i think it may have grown on my sub-conscious quite a bit and might have to pick it up again sometime. Anyway, we just started watching 'X-Files' together. They have all of it up on nexflix's instant play, start to finish. We've got our work cut out for us. I used to watch it all the time as a kid, it would scare the shit out of me. We're not even halfway through the first season yet, and I really don't remember the show being even as good as I thought it was when I was younger. It's not without it's corn, or even logical flaws, but maybe that's half the fun. I'm also interested to see where the series goes after Moulder disappears for a season, cause thats about when I stopped watching it. I also eventually want to get into Chris Charter's other big project, 'Millenium,' for any of you that may remember that one.

So, speaking of Twin Peaks, I just saw the pilot episode for abc's 'Happy Town.' It's a pilot, and my general rule for almost all pilot's is that they suck in comparison to the rest of the show (except Twin Peaks). I enjoyed it though. It wasn't super intense or thought-provoking, but I can see a lot of potential and am definitely gonna try to keep up with it to see what kind of directions they take the story and characters. A lot of people are saying it's a false comparison, but I think the two show's are pretty darn similar and will only continue to mimic the other one more, Cause let's face it. In the end, there's gotta be a lot more going on than a whodunit, cause they can't leave it unsolved for forever, which is also the plot point that killed Twin Peaks. It will never be as good, of course, without David Lynch involved, but I was looking at imdb and saw that the third episode is directed by Mick Garris, one of my favorite directors, and the man who brought us the Masters of Horror series on Showtime. Can't wait for that one.

Has anyone ever heard the band 'Girls against Boys'? I just discovered them, and can't believe I went this long without knowing how fricken awesome they are! Go check them out!

-Gordon

Dear Internet,

Got off work about two hours ago. It's late. I'm tired but I don't want to sleep yet. I get so juiced up at night that I want to get as much done as I can before i go to bed. In the morning I'm groggy and apathetic. I spent my seven hours at work today huddled next to my notepad, jotting down all the different lyrics I could think of to a new song I'm writing. Cashiering doesn't require much brain power after all, and it's probably good for me to put it to good use somewhere. There are too many distractions everywhere else anyway.

I fixed the store a little bit. Now you can give me money on paypal for the Licker EP. If you're reading this and know me, I've probably already tried to give you one for free. For all of those who don't live in Chicago, you have met your maker.

Uploading my first public domain video on Blip.tv. I'd love to shoot some videos myself. Not sure what to make yet. Music videos are a daunting project, uploading clips of me jerking off with my guitar sounds lame and uninteresting, although I'm sure I'll succumb to both soon enough. I don't know if I'm amusing on film or not, mostly cause I've never been on it. Sounds like a fun experiment to me though....

Two old demos being posted this weekend. If I can find my CD copy of a newer one I did I'll be sure to get that one up too. Once I get my tax refund I should be able to fix my Mac and then we'll REALLY be back in business.

Has anyone seen Kick-Ass yet? It looked corny, but the more reviews I hear about it, the more intrigued I get. Might have to check it out. That and Nightmare. OOOooooo.....

Happy Easter, from Licker!

Just a couple of quick things,

My buddy Kyle helped me record a brand new recording of "Disco Bloodbath," which is a song I wrote about five years ago that got revamped and revisioned into the sweet schizophrenic mayhem that it is today. It should be posted up sometime this week. I'm really excited about it and hope you all enjoy it!

Got about halfway through the Lynch film Muholland Drive today. It's pretty radical and hope to put it up on the site as my first movie review. I haven't written any for a few years now, so I'd love to get my feet dirty and show the world my special Joe Bob Briggs inspired style of reviews.

Also, I know press photos are still a while away, so I'll try to get some more new photos up, cause I know the sites been pretty dry lately.

Anywayz, everyone eat some eggs and candy. Have a wonderful holiday. I'll be working at Dominicks tonight. Come visit me and buy some 2 dollar pineapples.

-Gordon

PS, if you haven't done so yet, please join the sexy email list on the right-hand sidebar!

I got my mail in today finally, hooray! Now I can review Dario Argento's Opera! Someone asked me where I got my scarf today when I was out smoking my cigarette. It made me feel a lot better about how flamboyant the purple one is.

So anyway, I'm trying out some logo ideas. Tell me what you think if you get the chance, the link is:

HERE.

Wrote a new song today, trying something different lyrically. Here's the rough draft:

Sweet Sugar sings a lonely tune.

She said, "this songs for me although its not quite for you."

Sweet Sugar, why, you look so sad.

It's not like giving up on everything that you ever had.

big Papa, where your daughter been?

Her kerosene hear is out to burn a hole in our sins.

Big Papa, let go of all your anger,

your soul's a desperate hunter just as much as hers is for her.

Good God, I sure cannot recall to mind,

when she looked happier than when she met that boy oh so kind.

Came home, said, "Dad, I met a man! I met a man! and he told me,"

"Just tell me where you want to go."

Dad said,

"Well I feel your afraid,

and I feel your pain,

and I feel your alone,

I feel everything

God I'll miss you,

God I'll miss you, girl.

God I'll miss you, sweet baby.

You are my whole fucking world."

She said, "Dad, don't be sad, for you see,

his love's a lot like yours except that he can stick his deep inside of me.

I'll come home soon when I'm used and abused,

but now I really gotta go.

(Repeat refrain...)"

Could use some tuning, but I think it's deliciously morbid.

Stay gold.

-G-

Hey, y'all.

I was pretty damn sick the last couple of days. I felt like I had swallowed a bunch of rocks, when I had meant to swallow rocks and ROLL. No work today. Job interview at 1. I bid thee farewell, minimum wage. GTA IV here I come! Yes, the scarves are going over real well, thanks for asking.

I haven't gotten mail in a week. I miss my netflix and bills.

Did you guys listen to Mitch's new recordings? If not click here.

Don't forget about our mailing list on the side bar. Show some love.

How's everyone feeling this week?

-Gordon

I spent 50 dollars on scarves yesterday.

I don't really think that constitutes me as a nerd,, or a dork,, or a loser, but I definitely woke up with less chest hair than when I went to bed. Manhood aside, let it be known that the best place to get scarves within a half mile radius of Clark and Belmont is Hollywood Mirror. Goddamn I bet the Tokyo Store is way sweeter though.

The real reason that I'm writing right now is so that I can get better at writing online, to larger audiences than my girlfriend. It's real easy for me to feel like I'm not that creative, insightful, or funny when it comes to writing. I did after all, grow up on Full House humor and are reduced to braindead puns that leave me giggling in the corner all day, while my friends are out drinking and getting laid. Sarah Silverman was pretty good at puns tooooo....

I'm usually best at talking in general when I feel most comfortable with the people around me, and who I know won't think less of me for all of the unintelligible mental vomit i spew in their faces on a regular basis. You all are no different, and will no doubt endure my unthoughtful writing along side me until your favorite, much better web site updates their twitter, making some biting social commentary about the president, or hipsters, or a curling game. I don't think I've ever heard our president speak, but I've seen at least 3 curling games from the last Olympics. I don't even own Television...

Nope, you guys get scarves. Let me know if you want to see pictures.

It had come to my attention that none of you have been getting licked hard enough, so welcome to the brand new LICKER website. Please scope around and make yourselves at home. If you encounter any problems or issues, if there's something you'd like to see or hear more of, or maybe even know something about websites and want to offer a hand, please don't hesitate to drop me a line anytime.

Listen to some music and leave around comments so I don't look like a jackass, please.